Do you have difficulty recovering from mistakes, failure and disappointment? Do you find yourself reliving these setbacks over and over? Do certain life situations or challenges have you stressed to the max?
Was that a resounding YES? If so, you may want to invest some time into acquiring the skill of quick “reboundability”. Reboundability is essential to leading a productive, successful and happy life. Life is full of change, stress, disappointment, setbacks, failure, illness, injury, loss of competitions or jobs, death, and so on. How we handle these types of situations is what makes the difference between being joyful, successful individuals and those who wallow in self-pity, and stay stuck in habits of worry, fear and insecurity.
What does it mean to “rebound quickly”? Rebounding is the ability to quickly recover from perceived loss and failure. It means breaking old mental patterns and behaviors that keep you stuck and miserable.
Individuals lacking great “reboundability” skills engage in destructive patterns of self-punishment, which inevitably results in loved ones suffering as well. This may come in the form of irritability, sadness, depression, physical, emotional or even physical abuse, alcoholism, and over-working just to name a few! These negative habits make it virtually impossible to maintain a truly joyful and contented life.
Sample situation: Loss of a big sales opportunity. Those who have not acquired the skill of “reboundability” will engage in destructive mind habits over the course of a few days or frequently even weeks. These habits include replaying the perceived failure or setback over and over as well as engaging in negative and counterproductive self-talk. They continually second-guess themselves, or tell themselves that they are stupid and will never succeed. They may even convince themselves that the potential client didn’t like them or thought they were incompetent.
This habitual pattern of thinking actually steals your ability to perform or be better the next time. These negative mind patterns drastically diminish your ability to be clear (focused) or to accomplish goals. Negative mind habits erode confidence and self-esteem. If you continue to allow your mind to be control, rather than you in control of your mind, you will continue to feel and be defeated.
Break negative habits with these 5 pointers to quick “Reboundability”
1. Change your perspective: You must know that setbacks, mistakes and failures are a part of life’s learning process and are key elements of meeting your potential and gaining success. Disappointments and failures are best viewed as stepping-stones to success. Learn to view adversity as a good and valuable part of growing and learning. Know that there are extremely valuable lessons to be learned from failure and disappointment, and be sure to look for them. Decide to view problems as situations or challenges to be handled or released.
2. Refrain from drawing conclusions and making interpretations: All too often we will make a mistake or fail at something and automatically assume that others think that we must be stupid or careless. In truth, it does not matter what others think of us as long as we know who we are and what we are about.
3. Refrain from judging yourself from a critical perspective that leads to less confidence and lower self-esteem: Judging yourself in this way leads to a pattern of repeating the same mistakes and repeating the same failures. It is better to observe the mistake or perceived failure, garnish the lesson, and move on. Anything else will keep you stuck and hold you back from success and happiness.
4. Trust that when one door is closed, another one truly will open: Don’t allow yourself to get so stuck in negative mind patterns that you miss the next fantastic opportunity! All things happen for a reason, so if you are experiencing a loss, failure or disappointment, a better opportunity will be awaiting you, so keep your eyes peeled!
5. Accept what is. Accepting the current situation is the only “sane” choice: Wishing you could change the past and beating yourself up is not only futile, it also removes the possibility of growing and leaning from the loss, failure, or disappointment. Accept the current situation, do not resist what already is. Do you attempt to resist the sun from shining? Of course not. So why would you attempt to resist anything else that already is a reality? Acceptance is the only success-promoting choice.
These are just a few of the wonderful pieces of “reboundability”. Learning to rebound quickly from negative situations is a process, so allow yourself time and patience while implementing these new habits for quick recovery.
(Author: Dr. Shawn Byler)